


we stay in this mess

by makx



Series: open your heart up [2]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-06 02:36:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14632311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makx/pseuds/makx
Summary: Falling in love with someone is easy, but being with that certain someone sometimes isn't.Small moments that take place in the ‘open your heart up (and let me inside it)’ universe. Posted in no particular order. Written as they come to me.(It's not necessary to read the first fic of the series before reading this. Although things may make a bit more sense if you do!)





	1. i - boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s late 2015, and Tobin and Christen are dancing along an unspoken boundary. One of them is bound to take a step too far soon enough.

“So, what do you think?”

“Hmm?” Tobin slowly tore her eyes away from her phone and looked up distractedly from her seat. Once she apprehended the sight in front of her however, her eyes immediately went wide and her mouth fell agape.

“Uh—” Tobin began, not quite sure where the sentence was going to go.

Words generally didn’t escape Tobin.

Throughout her life she’d winged most things. Whatever would first run through her mind would soon just come tumbling out of her mouth. When she was an adolescent she never considered it a fault as she’d rarely been called out for it. Further yet, she'd been assured enough times in her life that people enjoyed that quality of hers, so she’d hardly considered it anything but a favourable personality trait she possessed.

Heading into her twenties however, she began putting up a speech filter. After giving more interviews in the space of half a year than she’d ever given in the entirety of her life before then, she began realising people truly wanted to know about her— her thoughts on the games she’d played, and just generally who she was as a new up-and-coming senior national team member.

It started heading into unfamiliar territory, and she wanted to make sure her private life and her soccer life remained separate. She wanted to be known for her soccer, and purely that.

It was after that realisation she decided a speech filter was a necessity. Allowing her to keep a check on potentially unnecessary statements leaving her mouth in professional settings, and keeping her private life behind closed doors.

Tobin rarely used the filter outside of those settings however, as the device would leave her with uncomfortably long pauses and a wordless mess on the odd occasion. So she would rip it aside after the cameras were turned off and the reporters had left, unless of course.. it came to particular company. Such as the company she was in that very moment looking at, slack jawed and — honestly  _thanks_ to the filter she’d so carefully crafted— utterly speechless.

Tobin couldn’t help but simply stare at the scene in front of her — Christen Press in a dress that might as well have been _made_ for her.

Eyebrows furrowed ahead of her.

Tobin realised she’d yet to respond, and every passing second was likely making their current situation increasingly uncomfortable, and knowing Christen, making her increasingly self-conscious.

“Not good, huh?” Christen offered, defeated grimace replacing the smile which Tobin had been initially greeted with.

“No, wait!” Tobin found herself quickly blurting out as Christen began heading back towards the dressing room.

Christen halted her movements.

“I uh.. lemme see again?” Tobin asked as she pocketed her phone, and stood up to be level with Christen.

Uncertainty still lined Christen’s forehead, but she complied with Tobin’s request, standing front-on once again to Tobin.

Tobin didn't really need another look to confirm what she already thought about the dress, but she wanted to use the second look as an excuse to unabashedly admire how well the dress looked on Christen. And if Tobin was to be completely honest with herself, it also gave her an opportunity to unabashedly admire the person underneath the garment.

Tobin followed her eyes down the body, noticing the way the dress hugged Christen's figure so perfectly, starting just below her chin and ending just above the knee. She also couldn't help but notice how the deep shade of red complemented her skin tone. She couldn't tear her eyes away.

Tobin clicked her tongue, there wasn't a single fault. Christen looked quite literally perfect.

“Yeah, that's the one, you've found it.” Tobin replied coolly, attempting to belie the extent as to which the outfit was affecting her.

Christen’s smile returned as she positioned herself in front of the free-standing mirror to her left. “You think so?”

“Yeah, def.” Tobin nodded, pacing up slowly behind Christen.

They met each other's gaze in the mirror — smiles playing on their lips. A silent moment, one of many they'd recently had, shared once again by the two of them.

As they had readied themselves for bed the previous night, Christen had proposed shopping for some new outfits for their more than usual eventful week ahead. Tobin wasn't overly fussed about looking for anything new, but if their excursion meant she had an excuse to spend more alone time with Christen, she was one hundred percent down for it.

She didn’t completely understand how their friendship had developed so quickly over the past few months. Sure, she was the one who had offered out an olive branch after that night in Pennsylvania, but she didn’t expect Christen to reciprocate her friendly messages as quickly as she had.

Tobin was by no means complaining, as she had suddenly found herself spending more time than not either hanging with or messaging Christen. For Tobin, it almost felt like they were making up for lost time, for all those months, all those years they’d neglected to try and interact.

But whilst they spent many of their waking hours together, enjoying each other’s company and finding all the similarities they never realised they’d shared — words were constantly left unspoken in their moments of silence. Where eyes bore into eyes, almost as if they were trying to convey a new unspoken language through glances and gazes. A language which neither had quite mastered.

“You look stunning.” Tobin nodded earnestly, not breaking eye contact with Christen in their reflection.

Christen's cheeks reddened as she bowed her head at the words.

“And I promise I'm not just saying that ‘cause this is the fifth store we've been to this morning.”

Christen lightly chuckled, meeting Tobin's eyes again in their reflection. “I was about to say.”

Another pause, another shared gaze, only broken by Christen’s sudden stringing together of words.

“Okay, this dress it is then.” Christen agreed, turning to face Tobin, eyes crinkling as she gave her a thankful smile. “Your turn now.”

“Nah I'm good, I already told you I've got something.”

Christen furrowed her brow.

“You're not seriously going to rewear a dress for next week?”

It was Tobin's turn to laugh. “This isn't a fashion parade, Chris.”

She got that it was an important occasion and she knew she had to look respectable, but she didn’t feel like it warranted a $900 designer dress. She had dresses. Occasion-appropriate dresses, even. She was more than happy to rewear something she already owned.

Christen shook her head furiously. Apparently that was the incorrect response.

“It might as well be, _Tobin_.” Christen admonished, punctuating Tobin's name with a pout to her lips. The look made Tobin's insides flutter, Christen was nothing short of adorable when she was not being listened to.

“Look.. how about you try..” Christen began, walking into the changing room again to pick up an item hanging up on the cubicle wall, “this one!”

Christen shuffled back towards Tobin, and held the dress up in front of her. It was a simple black dress with some line designs weaving along the sides and front. It had looked rather decent on Christen, but she wasn't sure if it was completely her style — it was more shapely than she would usually opt for, and she wasn't sure it'd do any favours for her figure.

Tobin frowned, looking at the garment. “Uh, I don't know Chris.”

Without warning, Christen pushed Tobin into the cubicle, black dress shoved into her arms. Tobin mentally patted herself on the back for catching herself before she completely lost her footing stumbling forward.

Once getting her footing back, Tobin turned around to protest. But the cubicle curtain was closed between them before she could get a word out, however not before she saw the mischievous grin on her shopping partner’s face.

Tobin rolled her eyes, course Christen would have the last say.

“Fine.” Tobin huffed under her breath, inspecting the garment in her hands.

She shrugged the dress on and looked at herself in the cubicle mirror. It fit surprisingly well. Zipping it up at the back she turned around to check her appearance from behind, giving a satisfactory nod — it actually didn't look half bad.

Christen was waiting patiently as Tobin drew back the curtain revealing the dress.

Christen's eyes crinkled and her smile widened as she looked at Tobin. What Tobin would give to see that face of pure self-pride and cockiness more often. There was something irritatingly endearing about the look. Something ridiculously hot.

“You better be buying this dress, Tobs.”

The Christen stamp of approval had been given.

“I haven’t even looked at the price tag!” Tobin replied slightly exasperated.

“Price tag smichetag, this is a once in a lifetime event, Tobs. You’re buying _that_!” Christen said nodding towards the dress defiantly.

Another pause, comfortable as always, but the inescapable feeling of unspoken words pervading the very moment.

Christen slowly stepped up towards Tobin until she was standing directly in front of her, ghosting her fingers over where the shoulders of the dress met skin. Tobin shivered at the contact — her body subconsciously reacting to the feeling of Christen's touch.

Christen must've felt Tobin's reaction, as she curiously looked up into whisky brown eyes for an explanation, but Tobin's face gave nothing away.

The girl was just checking the fit, Tobin figured, trying to calm her overreacting body.

Christen removed her hands from Tobin’s shoulders and slowly swept her eyes down the dress and back up, until she reached Tobin’s face again.

“It looks like it fits super well.” Christen smiled softly.

Tobin had lost track of the number of moments they’d had like that.

Smiles and unnecessary but not unwelcome touches.

Initially she’d revelled in them, savouring them and saving them in her memory bank, in case she needed a reminder of how good a drug certain people in her life were. However they had occurred almost daily for the past few months and the need to keep count on the number of smiles and moments they’d shared was no longer necessary, not that she didn’t still keep the moments in her memory bank though. She tucked those away for safekeeping.

The moment was suddenly broken by the incessant buzz of Tobin’s phone from within the changing room.

“Sorry uh, I gotta get that.” Tobin apologised heading into the changing room. She rummaged through her pants strewn on the floor for her the offending item, standing back up, once she’d finally located it.

Tobin sighed at the caller ID.

 _Shirley_.

She’d been planning to call her girlfriend at the end of the day after her morning call with her had been cut off by poor reception. She’d even told Shirley as much, but _still_ her girlfriend had called.

She debated whether to pick up or not. Looking back up at an awaiting Christen and back down at her phone, she bit her bottom lip as she hovered her thumb over the options on her screen.

Sighing, she declined the call and shot a quick message to Shirley, once again promising she’d call her at the end of the day, unless it was an emergency.

“Everything alright?”

Tobin returned her focus to Christen who was looking at with a raised eyebrow. Tobin didn't blame her, after all she did say she was going to pick up the call.

Tobin plastered a smile on. “Yeah, it was just Shirley. I’ve told her I’ll call her back later though, so it’s all good.”

“Oh, okay.”

For a split second Tobin thought she saw Christen's face fall slightly but she figured she was just imagining it.

Not one to dwell, Tobin turned to face the free-standing mirror Christen was looking into earlier. She didn’t have enough reasons to _not_ buy the dress. Also, Christen had basically already blessed the dress with her hands.

“I’ll get it.” Tobin said proudly.

“Really?!” The surprise was more than evident in Christen’s tone, and Tobin couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, really. I’ll quickly go change so we can get out of this place asap.”

“I’ve still got to change too.” Christen chimed in as Tobin closed the curtain between the two of them.

“Nah you can just stay in that, I reckon.” Tobin shouted through the curtain as she began reaching around for the zipper at the back of her neck.

Tobin knew she had been blessed with larger than average hands and decent length fingers which was helpful during many different occasions and.. activities. But her fingers for one of the first times in life were failing her — she couldn’t reach the zip.

She couldn’t get out of the dress.

 _Shit_.

“Ah Chris, Christen, could you come in here for a sec?”

Not a moment later, Christen slipped into the stall, a small grin on her face.

“Don’t tell me you can’t get out of the dress?” Christen smirked, arms crossed against her chest.

“Okay, then I won’t.” Tobin shrugged, not really sure what else she could say.

Tobin caught Christen’s eye roll in the mirror.

“You can just stay in that, I reckon.” Christen mumbled, mocking Tobin’s previous jest as she swept Tobin’s ponytail aside and went for the zipper.

Christen took a quick tug at the zip until it slipped down a couple inches.

“You good now?” Christen asked in a somewhat condescending tone, stepping to the side of the cubicle.

“Well..” Tobin’s voice wavered. She wouldn't mind a bit more assistance considering Christen was already there.

Christen shook her head.

“You’d thought you’d never tried a dress on with your inability to undo one.” Christen huffed again, stepping back to her earlier position directly behind Tobin.

“Look, dressing and undressing are two _completely_ different things, Chris.”

Christen slid the zipper all the way down and pulled the pieces of material apart.

“Oh I know, but unlike you, it seems I’m rather _skilled_ at both.”    
  
Tobin choked.

_Was that some kind of.. suggestive joke ?_

Tobin could feel her cheeks completely redden.

“I can.. undo.. dresses just _fine_ thank you very much.” Tobin stumbled over own words, mentally kicking herself. What was it about Christen that kept getting her so hot and bothered.

“Just others and not your own though, huh?”

She caught Christen's wink in their reflection, making her cheeks flush even further. Their lack of personal space and the intimate nature of how they were standing was starting to get to her.

“I mean..” Tobin trailed off, looking at her shoes.

Christen wasn't wrong, so there was no point disagreeing. But Tobin wasn't entirely sure she could’ve continued her sentence anyway, her word filter had suddenly resumed working at the feel of Christen's hands delicately tracing on top of her sports bra and along her shoulder blades.

Tobin held her breath as she looked into their reflection. She was drawn to the look of pure concentration on Christen's face as she worked her fingers along the muscles, as if they were the first set of back muscles she'd ever had a chance to touch and admire at her own leisure.

Tobin swallowed hard.

Christen’s fingers felt like fire, burning a trail along her back. Tobin could feel her heart rate pick up the longer the fingers remained on her skin. She did her best to control her shallow breaths, hoping she wouldn’t alert Christen to the effect she was having on her — but she could hear her shaky breaths escape through her slightly parted lips, and she was sure that in the near-silence of the changing room, everything sounded ten times louder than it should have.

Christen’s touch didn't feel wrong though. In fact, it felt like the furthest thing from wrong. But she could hear something at the back of her mind trying to remind her that it shouldn't feel right either.

They were walking preciously close to the edge of what was considered friendly and what was _more_.

She had a girlfriend, who she loved. She wasn't a cheater, she wasn't about to be one now.

A few moments later, Christen halted her movements, sheepishly making eye contact with Tobin as she slowly retracted her hands.

“Sorry.. your muscles are.. just.. um.. beautiful.”

“Uh.. thanks?” Tobin breathed out, finally able to think clearer without Christen's hands on her back.

“I'll let you get changed now that the _oh so_ difficult part has been done for you.” Christen grinned, hopping out of the room — leaving Tobin alone with her shallow breaths and racing heart.

****

The night before their visit to the White House, they were once again roomed together.

“It’s like someone knows what’s up.” Tobin grinned as they opened their suitcases up on their beds.

“What?” Christen paused her motions, looking up at Tobin across the beds, eyebrows scrunched.  
  
“Rooming us together.” Tobin offered.

“Ohh yeah.” Christen hummed. “Did you bring your dress along?”

It was Tobin’s turn to look confused.

“Please tell me you brought that dress along..” Christen’s hands were on her hips and her pout was out in full force.

Tobin laughed at the girl’s reaction. “I’m just having you on Chris, course I brought the dress.”

Tobin pulled a slightly scrunched dress out of her suitcase and held it up. Christen shook her head, unamused.  
  
She couldn’t help but enjoy getting a rise out of Christen, it was way too easy.

****

The following morning they woke early, giving both enough time to change into their outfits and ready themselves for their day at the White House. Knowing she was going to take the least amount of time in the bathroom, Tobin offered to use the room first, finishing her bathroom prep in record time.

Tobin smacked her lips together in front of the mirror before heading back out into the sleeping area. Christen was still in the same position that she was when Tobin had initially left her — one leg dangling off the bed and the other folded underneath her as she scrolled through her phone, oblivious to the fact Tobin had returned.

Tobin smiled softly at the sight in front of her, Christen looked literally stunning, and her dress couldn’t have done her body any more justice if it tried — deep red and hugging, it flattered her body and skin tone in every way.

“The bathroom’s all yours.” Tobin announced, attempting to get Christen’s attention.

“Finally done, huh?” Christen asked jestingly, slowly putting her phone down and picking up her makeup bag. As she stood up and shot a glance over at Tobin, she stopped dead in her tracks. “Oh.”

Tobin watched curiously as Christen studied her face.

“Oh?” Tobin was perplexed by the reaction, did she somehow inadvertently smudge her makeup since walking out of the bathroom? She quickly turned her head to look at the mirror behind her.

_It looked fine?_

Tobin furrowed her brow, turning back to Christen for clarification, but suddenly finding Christen standing only a couple feet in front of her.

They had returned to the boundary once again, personal space non-existent. Although if Tobin was to be honest, she had no idea at what stage they would be considered as having crossed it.

Christen reached forward, hovering her hand close to the side of Tobin’s face, green eyes searching her own, as if requesting permission.

Tobin's breathing picked up, their proximity almost proving too much once again.

“Careful, I spent forever trying to get the eyeliner to look even, so don’t go about smudging it.” Tobin tried half-heartedly joking through her nerves, but nodded anyway at Christen’s uncertainly hovering hand.

Christen didn’t reciprocate the banter, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. With the permission granted however, Christen placed her hand to the side of Tobin’s face.

It was almost immediate how both of them sighed at the touch.

Tobin closed her eyes — the feel of Christen’s palm cupping her cheek was almost heavenly. She could feel the simple touch ignite something inside of her that she didn’t realise had been so close to being ignited. She felt warmth spread from her core to the rest of her body, warmth which had never made her feel so safe, so right.

“You look.. beautiful.” Christen whispered.

They were inches apart. Breaths mingling. They’d been _here_ before, but Tobin couldn’t do this. Christen made her feel things that she’d never felt for anyone else, not even Shirley, she knew that now. But she loved Shirley. She couldn’t do _this_ to Shirley. Whatever _this_ was.

“What are we doing, Chris?” Tobin barely recognised her own voice. It was uncharacteristically small and timid.

“I.. don’t know. I’m sorry.. I just..”

A beat passed.

Tobin wasn’t quite sure how _sorry_ Christen actually was. The girl's hand still cupped her cheek in the most gentle of ways, with no indication of retracting.

_Had they finally crossed the boundary?_

_No, surely not. This was just friendly, very friendly._ She opened her eyes again, waiting for Christen to finish her sentence.

Green eyes stared right back. A plethora of unknown emotions washing over her face.

“I just had to let you know how beautiful you looked.” Christen smiled, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes.

It was another of their moments, but this moment felt different to Tobin. It felt like their eyes were finally conveying everything that was never able to be said between them. Their unspoken language finally learnt. Tobin tried convincing herself she didn't understand what it meant — that she’d didn’t feel the draw, the electricity that connected them.

But her subconscious knew, she knew.

She knew she couldn’t do this.

Christen dropped her hand.

“You're one of my closest friends Chris, I don't want to lose whatever we have.”

Christen offered up a small smile. “I don't want to lose this either.”

Another beat passed.

“How about we make a rule?”

“A rule?”

“Yeah, like something to keep us in check.” That was the closest they'd been to acknowledging their _friendship_.

“Okay..” Christen bit her lip, uncertainty lining her face. “What did you have in mind?”

“Hmm..” Tobin paused. The truth was, she knew what needed to be done, not that she wanted to go ahead with the suggestion sitting at the very tip of her tongue. But it was the only way she could think of that would both, help her distance herself from Christen whilst not losing the friendship they had been developing. “No touching.” The words were out of her mouth before she was truly ready to say them.

Christen’s eyebrows immediately drew together whilst her mouth opened and closed quickly, as a series of sentence starters left and retreated her mouth. Both a question and statement seemingly fighting each other as the first to be spoken.

“No touching?!” Christen finally exasperated, clearly unhappy with the suggestion and what it implied. “But what about high fives and hugs?! I love your hugs.” Christen pouted. Tobin couldn't help but grin at her upset. She truly was adorable.

“I mean _those_ are fine, but any unnecessary touching is probably.. not a good idea.” Tobin laughed lightly. She could see Christen’s face soften a bit at her reassurance.

Christen hummed, pursing her lips together. She still didn't look too pleased, but at least the worry and panic had left her face. “Okay, fine. No touching.” She relented. “I can't promise I'll always remember though.”

“That's cool, just so long as you try.” Tobin shrugged, understanding and knowing full well that Christen would sometimes be overcome with emotions that would made her suddenly extra-touchy with whoever happened to be nearby.

Christen nodded slowly. “So… good friends?” She asked taking a step back and holding out a hand in front of Tobin.

Tobin stared at the hand and looked back at Christen’s face, brows furrowed.

“Good friends? What? No?!” Tobin exclaimed.

Christen's face fell. She didn’t even attempt to hide it.

“Best friends, you dork.” Tobin chuckled. She knew she was being a child, but she couldn't help it as she bypassed Christen’s hand and enveloped Christen in a tight hug, securely wrapping her arms around the waist of the taller girl.

“I'm so glad you said hugs were still okay.” Christen mumbled into Tobin’s neck, as she brought her arms up over Tobin’s shoulders and held tight.

“Me too Chris, me too.”  
  
There was no mistaking the smile in Christen’s voice as she mumbled her relief into Tobin’s neck. The smile was enough to confirm to Tobin that they were still on good terms, that they were still okay.

But at the same time the brunette knew that the newly established rule was simply pushing pause on what was continuing to develop between them, and more specifically, inside of her. She knew it would eventually come to a head. But Tobin nudged that thought to the very back of her mind as she held on securely to Christen — that was a problem for another day.

Because today was a day of celebration — of what was and what is to come.

For the national team, of course. Tobin reminded herself.

Not for them.

Because there is no _them_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by my friend who said — Tobin and Christen's interactions at the White House looked as if they'd had a moment™ and “things were said or felt” before the visit. So it’s dedicated to you, my friend, L, who I know will never read this x


	2. ii - distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's 2009. Tobin's second year with the Pali Blues was shaping up somewhat differently to her first. All thanks to their new green eyed striker.

They'd been in the same circles since the very beginning. Besides, even if they hadn't been, it wasn't hard to hear about the striker who kept making and breaking records.

“She'll be called up to the national team someday, just you wait.” Kelley had grinned at Tobin.

Tobin looked over at the girl in question. The girl blushed and ducked her head as all eyes were suddenly on her. Sounds of agreement echoed in the room.

They’d been sitting on Kelley’s dorm floor for the past hour bantering and drinking with some of Kelley’s teammates. Conversation shifted from player to player as Kelley introduced Tobin to her team, finally landing on the girl with the green eyes and raven hair sitting quietly beside Kelley.

“Hey Pressy, I promise you, they can't ignore someone who scores as much as you!” Kelley nodded sincerely whilst nudging the girl.

“When did we start talking about Christen's sex life?” A teammate she’d already forgotten the name of chimed in.

The room erupted with laughter.

Christen's cheeks turned crimson.

Tobin found it most endearing.

Knowing of someone and finally meeting them up close were two completely different things. All she knew as she sat cross legged on Kelley’s floor was that she couldn't keep her eyes off of the girl.

*****

They were on the same team shortly after their first official meeting in Kelley's dorm.

They'd lost some important players after their previous season, but the Pali Blues hoped the signing of their new star striker and a few other solid College players could help them win another championship.

During the first team training, Tobin had looked the girl up and down in her training kit.

Yeah the girl was going to score, alright. Her teammates at Stanford were right, looking like that she could score with anyone.

Seeing Christen as frequently as she was, started putting Tobin’s stomach in knots. It disturbed her the effect the girl had on her. She couldn't put a finger on the feeling or the cause of it.

She had briefly entertained the idea that it was because the girl impressed her through her ability to create scoring opportunities, and was just generally great at scoring. In more than ways than one, or so she'd heard. But Tobin had been impressed by countless players throughout her lifetime, and the feeling of adoration was not similar. So that thought was dismissed as quickly as it had entered her mind.

She didn’t understand the feeling, and it didn't sit well with her.

It began affecting her to the point that it was interfering with _her_ game.

And nothing and no one was allowed to do that.

It was an easy enough decision by Tobin to just ignore Christen. She figured it would suppress the strange effect the girl was having on her, even if it didn’t completely solve it.

Half a season on, Tobin had nearly perfected the art of bypassing and avoiding Christen, making it seem as casual as possible. She never ran up to her during her goal celebrations, reasoning she was too far anyway, and she avoided and limited any form of body contact with her if she could help it.

If Tobin was to be honest, she thought she was doing a rather stellar job at making them still seem amicable whilst avoiding the girl during trainings and games.

Their coach didn’t seem to agree.

He’d pulled her aside one day after training.

He’d noticed the terrible connection they had on the pitch, he’d noticed the way Tobin would always do her best to try ensure she was on opposing teams to her during scrimmages.

It was then she realised that she maybe wasn’t as subtle as she thought she was.

“I don’t know what you have against Press or what your history is, but you two need to sort it out. You put the team above whatever personal vendetta you have against Christen, always. If she’s open, you pass to her, if she’s the best option, you pass to her. You know soccer, I don’t need to explain this to you.” His words were calm but she could see the frustration in the lines of his forehead. “This is your second year with this team. I frankly expected better from you.”

Tobin walked out of the meeting, tail between her legs.

He was disappointed.

She was too.

*****

Tobin usually internalised most happenings in her life, she liked to analyse, over-analyse. It meant she often zoned out and lived inside her own head for moments at a time.

No matter how much she internalised however, the girl with the raven hair and green eyes never became a topic of analysis since she’d initially decided to avoid the girl.

It was on purpose though.

She figured the less she thought about the situation, the less it’d distract her.

It also meant that she still didn’t have the faintest clue as to why Christen Press made her stomach feel like electricity had met water.

Instead of giving more thought to the reasons why, she did her best to please her coach. She tried shoving aside the confusion, and began small the following training.

She waved, but Christen didn’t look long enough at Tobin to see.

She tried making small talk, but the girl always managed to slip away before any talk managed to leave her mouth.

It didn’t help that she constantly caught the girl side-eyeing her every other time they made eye contact.

It wasn’t like Tobin _wasn’t_ trying to do better. She was starting to figure Christen didn't actually want to interact with her. She'd been so focused on her own avoidance of Christen that she’d never once considered or realised that the reason she found it so easy to avoid Christen was due to the fact Christen had been at the same task too — avoiding _her_.

Three weeks of _trying_ later, she decided it was a lost cause and stopped trying.

Sure, on the pitch their chemistry was now sightly better at times, but off of it, Christen still remained cold to Tobin's pleasantries.

Tobin reverted to doing the same in turn.

*****

They had a bye week near the middle of their season, and Tobin took it and headed home right after their final day of training.

She’d spent most of the time with her family, relaxing and catching up. The afternoon prior to her flight back to the west coast, she’d taken up an invite to a house party through an acquaintance. She didn’t have any better plans so she figured, why not.

Whilst she wasn't having the worst time at the party, she found herself lacking the energy to mingle with the crowds, and ended up resigning herself to the corner couch in the lounge.

She spent the next half hour watching as drunk college students attended to flirt with one another, whilst others pretended to dance — when in reality they were just dry humping one another.

“Not feeling like dancing?”

Tobin looked up to her right, as she watched the speaker of the voice taking the spot next to her. The girl was conventionally attractive, she’d give her that. Long wavy blonde hair that was swept back in a ponytail, tan skin which was giving even her a run for her money, whilst wearing the shortest dress she’d ever seen. Maybe it was a T-shirt? The dress barely covered her underwear.

“My eyes are up here.”

Tobin bit her bottom lip. Had she really just been caught unintentionally checking out the girl?! She blamed both the alcohol in her system, and how slightly turned on she was from the activities occurring between the people in front of her. She knew she was usually at least a tad more subtle.

Tobin averted her eyes from the seam of the girl's dress and focused on the blue eyes staring back at her. They were dark and alluring, heavy eyeliner finishing off the girl's look.

“And don’t you have pretty ones?” Tobin smirked.

The girl rolled her eyes at Tobin’s line.

“Well aren’t you the charmer.”

“A charmer, maybe, but a dancer, definitely not.” Answering the girl's earlier question.

“What, you have two left feet?” The girl gested.

“Well I’d like to hope not, I'm playing pro soccer next year.”

“Pro soccer? Oh, you must be Tobin huh.”

“You.. know of me?” Tobin scrunched her eyebrows.

“Only from my friend.”

“Your friend?” Tobin was still a little confused.

“Yeah, she said she'd invited you along to this party.”

“Oh.”

“I’m Emma, by the way.”

Tobin nodded at the girl.

Their conversation ceased as Tobin took one last swig from her beer can.

“You want another drink?” The girl asked.

Tobin looked at the girl curiously. The offer was kind, but unnecessary. She could get her own drink.

They ended up both going to the kitchen to replenish their drink supply, leaning on opposite facing counters and continuing with their small talk.

A cocked head and pair of squinted eyes caught Tobin’s attention before Emma slowly stepped forward towards Tobin and brushed a couple strands of hair behind her ear.

“They were starting to bug me, they kept catching on your eyelashes.” The girl offered as explanation to her invasion of personal space, adding in a nonchalant shrug.

Tobin raised an eyebrow in response.

She couldn't help but notice how dark the girl's eyes were, now in the much brighter conditions of the kitchen.

She’d seen that look before, she knew what it meant. And she had a feeling her own eyes looked very similar, especially if her speeding libido was anything to go by.

They hadn’t broken eye contact since Emma had spoken, and she could feel the girl brimming with complete confidence, as she stood a foot in front of her, eyes lidded and smirk growing— it was somewhat turning her on.

“I know we just met, but do you want to come back to mine?”

Tobin grinned at the girl.

“Thought you'd never ask.”

It was when she was on the cusp of climaxing, neck dipped back as she rode the girl's fingers to pleasure — that it hit her.

Images of her Pali Blues teammate, entered her mind. Semi naked and moaning, Christen Press’ face contorting in ecstasy was all she saw behind closed lids as she neared orgasm.

She imagined touching Christen's skin, running her hands along strong leg muscles. How Christen would sound moaning her name one last time before her body would suddenly still and her own fingers would draw out the girl's orgasm.

She imagined covering her mouth with her own, silencing the moans and sound of her name escaping.

It's all she thought about as she was taken to the edge, and her body tensed and released with the rushing feeling of pure ecstasy that shot from her toes to curl around as a ball of fire in her stomach.

Emma and Tobin lay, breathing heavy as they both came down from their orgasms.

“Who's Christen?”

Tobin's stomach dropped.

“Wait, what?”

“I'm not offended or anything, but you said her name as you came.”

“Oh.”

“She's not your girlfriend or anything.. right?”

Tobin steadied her breathing before jumping out of bed to hunt down her clothes.

“Hey, you don't have to leave. I kinda found it hot.”

Tobin paused and looked at the girl lying naked on the bed. Bed sheets anywhere but where they were intended to be.

The girl couldn’t hold a candle to Christen.

Christen. Christen.

She wanted to think about anything but the new revelation unravelling in her mind.

_Christen._

She nodded at the girl, dropping her shirt back on the floor as she returned to the bed and open arms. Distracting herself from what she knew she'd eventually have to address with herself.

They ended up going at it again, three more times till they were left exhausted and panting.

She never answered Emma's question, and the girl never pried further, but her mind kept returning to the same teammate as she came that night.

She slipped out of Emma's apartment shortly before sunrise.

*****

Tobin used the plane ride back to California to dissect her new revelation.

It was simple. She had a thing for Christen, and she probably had from the very beginning.

The fact was, Christen was hot and her own mind and body didn't know what to do about it.

Everything kind of made sense.

And also everything was likely to be ten times more awkward now she'd acknowledged the truth.

Was it not enough that she _still_ caught the girl side eyeing her?! They were already on awkward enough terms.

*****

The Pali Blues continued to remain unbeaten in the Western Conference. They were unstoppable.

Almost as unstoppable as the images of Christen appearing in Tobin’s mind when she would slip her hands under her underwear at night.

Every time she found herself already dripping insanely wet, her fingers easily sliding through her folds.

She didn’t intend to focus on the girl with the green eyes as she worked herself up — adding more and more fingers, until she reached her limit. The images appeared before she had a chance to realise what was happening.

As her breathing would labour and she would slip her other hand under her t-shirt, she would begin visualising the girl naked, she’d practically seen that more than enough times for it to be easily recalled. Her memory was made use of as she brought herself to the edge.

It never took her long to come.

Christen’s name escaping her lips before she’d even realised.

Tobin still didn't have a clue as to what to do knowing what she did. Or if she should do anything at all.

Sure, she thought Christen was ridiculously hot and she wanted to get with her. But she knew her feelings for Christen only ran so deep. It was mostly sexual in nature. And she was unsure if Christen was more of a dating person, and if anything could ever eventuate due to that.

It wasn't as if Tobin was planning on propositioning the girl with a good time though. They were teammates. She didn’t need things to get even messier.

Instead she did nothing.

She continued to satisfy herself at night and occasionally in the morning, trying to sate her sexual frustration.

Initially she considered one night stands when she couldn't satisfy her own needs but she reasoned with herself that she just didn't feel right hooking up with someone just to fantasize about her teammate the entire time.

Her own fingers were enough. At least until the season was over, and she didn't have to face Christen Press every other day.

*****

The season was coming up to the crucial final games, and Christen still wasn't putting in any effort to interact with her. Not that she was overly expecting her to though.

Their chemistry on the pitch was increasingly getting better as the season neared its final games, but it was still not great. Tobin figured there was no way they could get their on field chemistry to work out if they were still being ice cold off of it. Once or twice, Tobin _had_ tired sucking it up, attempting to approach Christen to discuss what they could try do better. But as always, Christen was gone well before she had a chance to approach her.

It was actually driving her mad.

The final championship game was approaching and she _still_ hadn't managed to spend time with Christen in an attempt to build their chemistry.

Her last ditch attempt to rectify the situation made her head hurt at the prospect.

“You actually think this will help you two?!”

“Does this look like something I'd usually ask for?”

Coach Naimo raised his eyebrows. Tobin figured he would immediately recount a particular rooming arrangement that should never have been.

“Look, Cheney and I didn't ask to be assigned to the same room. That was all you guys. Yeah we capitalised on it but that's another story.”

“Hmm. Well I appreciate you're so dedicated to building bridges with your teammates, especially ones you've avoided all season.” Naimo hummed, scratching at his chin. “I'll let management know, and we'll assign you and Christen to the same room.”

“Thanks, coach!” Tobin said walking off, satisfied smile on her lips. However she quickly turned on the spot, one last request on her lips. “Oh Coach, one last thing, can you like not—”

“Don't worry, I won't let on that you'd asked for this.”

He read her like an open book.

“Cool,” Tobin nodded, “thanks, Coach!”

*****

Tobin watched as Christen's face fell when their Coach announced he was changing a few things up.

She spent the remainder of the day glued by Cheney's side, somewhat apprehensive about the situation she was putting herself in. Cheney being the observant person that she was, knew something wasn't quite right.

“What's up, Tobin?”

Tobin just shrugged. Bringing her legs under herself as she repositioned on Cheney's bed.

“Does your mood have something to do with your little crush?” Cheney propped herself

up a bit beside Tobin as she pried further.

Suddenly wide eyed, Tobin whipped her head around to look at her friend.

“Crush?! What? No?! I'm not? I don't have a crush on anyone?!”

“Oh.. okay. Sure whatever you say, Tobs.” Cheney winked. “Soo… why aren't you spending quality time with your roommate hanging out, huh?”

“Could say the same to you.”

“Kels is probably out there pranking someone..  I don't know.” Cheney shrugged. Tobin nodded as she lay her back down on the bed, she wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. “Anyway, back to your roomie.. are you gonna ask her out? Do you want to date her?!”

“Wha? No? I don't know what you're on about?!” Tobin replied, annoyed they were still discussing her roommate.

“Sure, and Christen doesn't either, she probably thinks you're being a dick to her for the sake of being a dick.”

“What, I'm not a dick to her?!” Tobin was offended by the accusation.

“Could've fooled me! I mean, you didn't though because I know you, Tobs, and I know you're just nervous even if you act standoffish.” Cheney grinned. “It's cute though, that's what I like about you.”

Busted.

“She fancies you too, you know.” Cheney hummed.

Tobin sat up quickly and faced her friend, heart racing. “You talked to her?! About me?!”

“Hah, so you do admit it, you _do_ like her!”

“I didn't say that.”

“You didn't need to, buddy.”

Silence overcame them. Time to admit defeat.

“You.. never answered my question.. did you talk to her about me?”

“Nah, but you're both the easiest kids around here to read. She's avoided you like the plague since the beginning, she checks you out when you're not looking, honestly I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't know she liked you.”

“Great.” Tobin muttered.

“It is! Because now you're roomies and you know, you can talk it out.. or bang it out? I don't know.. whatever it is that you guys want to do.”

Tobin's cheeks were on fire.

“TALK it out obviously, that’s why I asked for—” Tobin stopped herself, realising she’d revealed too much. However, Cheney was fast to catch on.

“You?! You asked to be roomed with Chris?!”

“I mean, yeah, ‘cause I thought we could try working on our chemistry off the pitch so it can translate when on it. There was no point denying it now.

“Oh I’m sure there’ll be a lot of chemistry, Tobs.” Another wink.

Tobin laughed and shook her head, feeling a bit lighter and relieved she was finally discussing her feelings for Christen with someone.

“I don’t know. I was out of ideas? I wasn’t about to corner her and demand her to get along with me?”

“It’s fine, Tobs. You don’t need to explain it to me. If you think that’ll help your game, I’m all for it. I’m all for you bettering your game, espesh for the final.” Cheney smiled softly. “Although you left it a bit late.”

“Yeah.. I know..”

“Well better now than never. I’m proud of you, pal!” Cheney replied pulling Tobin in for a hug. Tobin was thankful she had a friend like Cheney.

Unfortunately for Tobin and Lauren’s moment, Kelley had chosen that exact moment to return. A grin spread wide on her face when she saw who was in her room.

“TOBIN! We having a sleepover?!”

Lauren and Tobin pulled apart and watched as Kelley exuberantly jumped onto her bed.

“Uh that’d be cool, but not tonight, maybe tomorrow after the game though?”

“Awh, okay.”

Lauren looked at her phone in her lap and back up at Tobin.

“It’s lights out in ten, buddy. You might want to head back.” Cheney smiled softly, rubbing small circles on Tobin’s back.

Tobin grimaced. That rooming situation _was_ what she wanted, but it didn't mean she was entirely looking forward to it.

With nerves dancing around her stomach, and uncertainty of how she was going to even break the ice with girl, Tobin slowly farewelled her friends and headed down the hall to her room.. _their_ room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is there a moment that you'd like to see touched upon in the Open Your Heart Up universe? If so, let me know in the comments or on tumblr! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on tumblr at makxfics!


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